Recipe Whisperer Strikes Again

One of my super powers, probably my favorite super power, is my innate ability to read a recipe and know, with 90% probability, its going to be a smash hit. A home run. A 90 yard return kick for a touch down. A f’ing win.

If you have eaten my food, you know the metaphors are superfluous.

If you have eaten my food, its highly likely you have fell in love with me … at least my cooking.

What makes this post worthy you may ask? I have zero ability to make food from scratch based on my own experience. 

What I can do, and very well (humble brag), is read words and ingredients in recipes and figure out if its worth my time to make, and dazzle those who feast.

Words like cumin, paprika, chili powder, garlic salt/power, in and of themselves are meaningless to me. One year I spent a couple hours looking for beef stock at the grocery store. Yes, I am that f’ing food knowledge challenged. Thank god one of the Harmon’s brothers bothered to stop and ask me what the hell I was doing wandering around their store. He pointed me in to beef broth … my embarrassment for not knowing the distinction ebbed eventually.

Tonight we (kids and I) decided we wanted dirty diaper burritos. For those not in the know, that is spanish for Taco Bell bean and cheese burritos. The Mrs. had other ideas. With my quick thinking, I started googling copy cat recipes for dirty diapers so I could deliver on the kiddo’s and Mrs. expectations.

I found this ditty and within minutes of reading, knew it was going to be a hit.

Instructions (5-ish servings – I made more, but you do your own math):

  • 1 can refried beans (not the tasteless fat free variety)
  • shredded cheddar cheese, go big or go home
  • onions, chopped. I forgot about them when I made this recipe. Not a huge requirement, merely a minor let down I forgot them
  • tortillas (optional in my mind, but you do you, its all good)

Sauce:

  • 1 8 oz. can of tomato sauce
  • 1/3 cup of water
  • 1/4 tsp of chili powder
  • 1 1/2 tsp cumin
  • 1/2 tsp of onion powder
  • 1 tbsp of white vinegar 
  • 1/2 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1/2 tsp of garlic salt
  • 1/4 tsp of paprika
  • 1/4 tsp of cayenne pepper
  1. Throw the sauce ingredients into a small pot at low temperature. I only cook on a gas stove; smallest blue flame for 15-20-ish or whatever minutes.
  2. Warm the beans, blue flame a bit larger than the sauce flame.
  3. I forgot about the onions, but here would be a great place to start simmering them in olive oil or butter. Your preference. Just don’t use any fake ass shit like margarine or vegetable oil. If that is your preference, we cannot be friends.
  4. Once sauce and beans warmed, slap that deliciousness on the tortillas, sprinkle with cheese, onions if you didn’t forget, and enjoy the tastiness.

We grilled up some steak flanks and added because thats how we roll. You could do that, or chicken, or nothing extra. 

You’ll spend a skadoosh more than the Taco Bell price, but the reward of the delicious smell permeating your house and the satisfied kiddos and family is well worth it.

Or go eat shitty food. Your choice. 

edit: corrected a couple spelling errors, added clarity to the beef stock/broth commentary.

Daily food

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